Wednesday, 18 February 2015

10 very real teacher ailments and diseases

I can't understand why these aren't in medical journals!



1. Endoftermitis: This disease normally occurs at the end of term but sometimes afflicts teachers at half-term breaks too. Symptoms vary but usually include exhaustion, shattered nerves and a common cold. 

2. OCLD (Obsessive Compulsive Laminating Disorder): Symptoms include an inability to stop oneself from laminating anything in sight. Unfortunately, there is no known cure to date. Symptoms have been known to diminish during holiday periods, however, they tend to flare most at the start of the academic year.

3. IBS (Irritable Brain Syndrome): This occurs when a teacher has had a busy week, has not had a lot of sleep and, therefore, has a reduced ability to tolerate the constant chit-chat, silly questions and health complaints. Symptoms include a raging headache, low-tolerance (particularly for student complaints that stem from hypochondria) and an impossible-to-quench desire for coffee. When this condition is at its worst, sufferers have been known to reverse their motto that "No question is a silly question."

4. Excessive Hoarding Disease: This affliction involves the inability to throw away certain household objects. Sufferers are known to have stashes of bottle tops, empty toilet rolls and yogurt pots hidden around their houses. Side-effects include frequent arguments with their housemates/significant other.

5. Friday Fatigue: An overwhelming feeling of exhaustion that prevents teachers from being able to function as human beings until they have first had a nap.

6. The Sunday Sads: This condition is brought on (on Sunday evenings) by the realisation of how close Monday is and how much they need to do. It is caused by weekend-long procrastination. Symptoms include frequent panic attacks, a sense of crushing doom and, ironically, further procrastination.

7. Anti-hypochondria: This condition occurs when a teacher is genuinely ill but, according to themselves, not ill enough to be absent from school. It arises from the thought construct that being in school ill causes less trouble, work and confusion than staying at home and recovering. 

8. Acute Classroom Paranoia: This condition occurs when a class has a seemingly out-of-the-blue fit of giggling. As the giggling continues, the teacher begins to ask himself/herself several questions such as "Is there a hole in my clothing?" "Do I have a stain in an unusual place?" "Am I wearing mismatching shoes?" When the condition is at its peak, the teacher cannot bear it any more and demands that one of the "goody-two-shoes" students tells them why they are laughing. Unfortunately, if the cause of laughter was due to something embarrassing about the teacher, Acute Classroom Paranoia continues to aggravate them for the rest of the school day.

9. Report-driven Apocalyptic Complex: This illness occurs just before the due date for students' reports. Symptoms include insomniac behaviours, sheer exhaustion and a fear of impending doom. Medical practitioners have noted that, for all patients, the symptoms disappear on the report submission date.

10. Grammar Nazi Disorder: This is a life-long affliction in which sufferers have a very low tolerance for bad grammar produced by adults. Upon encountering this stimulus, sufferers experience the following symptoms: increased heart rate, surges of anger, recurring  thoughts about how one could make such a mistake and a longing to reach for a red pen. Psychologists have observed that sufferers learn to keep their symptoms within and not to react to others. This tendency stems from previous negative experiences of  correcting others.


*clip art in the image from My Cute Graphics and font in the image is Annoying Kettle from Kevin and Amanda

151 comments:

  1. Severely suffering from ailment no 10 due to the misspelling of "there" in point 8 "is there a hole in my clothing"

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    1. On which planet were you taught? There is spelt correctly in that context!

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    2. They were probably taught on Earth. It was incorrectly written. I've since changed it!

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    3. There is spelt correctly and I am not a teacher.Went to school when English had to be correct and teachers had a weapon in which.to discipline pupils, therefore didn't suffer with above affliction.

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    4. Anonymous, look at my comment just above yours. I corrected the spelling having first spelt it incorrectly!

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    5. Hahahahahaa!!

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    6. So what's wrong with "there" in #8?

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    7. Please look up! I've already said twice that I corrected the error!

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    8. Brilliant and sad, Bring back God, morals and respect into schools then Everyone will be happier,learn and never have to suffer.If only we remembered that life was about serving others instead of ourselves.It is not about ME Me me!

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    9. Is "spelt" even a word? Should it not be "spelled."?

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    10. Thank you, thank you! There is no such word as "spelt"...it was driving me crazy.

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    11. Actually spelt is the preferred term for the past tense of spell in British English whereas Americans prefer spelled. - S

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    12. Of course there is such a word as spelt, it's the past tense of spell, I'm happy to concede that you can equally use spelled, but that doesn't mean spelt is incorrect. I believe Americans don't use spelt, could that be the cause of the confusion? Michael

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    13. While the word "spelled" is the preferred word in American English, both "spelt" and "spelled" are acceptable in British English (even if you're not talking about a type of flour or bread!).

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    14. I sore that mistake to. How could that happen in this day and age wiv spelling checkers an all.

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    15. I think you're getting confused. Spelt is a type of flour. Spelled is for people who have already cast spells.

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    16. I am 72 and the way we were taught to know the difference was 'their' has an I in it so was speaking about people as in their possessions as in it is their gloves). 'There' has here in it placing where an object is ( so it isn't here it is there)

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    17. Are you serious Anonymous...or just trying to make a joke?

      I sore that mistake to.
      I SAW that mistake TOO.

      How could that happen in this day and age wiv spelling checkers an all.
      How could that happen in this day and age WITH spelling checkers AND all.

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    18. Every one please stop getting your panties in a wad. Geesh. People are trying to have fun on here. Everyone go take a chill pill.

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    19. We say "don't get your knickers in a knot"...now that's funny!

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    20. Spelt is indeed a correct verb. It extends from very early usage wherein most verbs were converted to past tense by addition of a 't" or some other archaic grammar rule. Spelt is proper English, in both British and American English, but spelled is the preferred form in American English due to Daniel Webster. Spelled is the more modernized spelling, but spelt is still correct. It is just like smit and smote, writ and wrote, built and builded, knelt and kneeled, "should have went" as a past participle of wend, etc. All of these come from archaic usages/verbs and thus are proper, just uncommon.

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    21. First of all the article was about teacher ailment and diseases, not about spelling or grammar. Secondly you chose to be a teacher,so don't blame normal kids for the normal thing kids do.

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    22. Seems like people here are suffering from #10!!! Lol

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    23. Does it really matter, you get the point.

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    24. My God, but you're all so anal about spelling and grammar And so snappy about everything. THE POST WAS JUST A BIT OF HUMOUR.

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    25. Wahahaha! (And yes, that's not a word and probably not good language.) This reminds me of "Eats, Shoots and Leaves". Thank you all for reminding me that there are other people like me out there. Have a fabulous weekend (yes, it is almost Friday)!

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    26. In American English, spelt primarily refers to the hardy wheat grown mostly in Europe, and the verb spell makes spelled in the past tense and as a past participle.

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    27. Severely suffering from #10--I can't stand to hear "Me and my friend like to ride bikes". If you leave out the "friend", the sentence is "Me likes to ride bikes." Eeeeekkkkkk!

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    28. Spelt is the past tense of spell, just as spilt is the past tense of spill. TA-DA!

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  2. Apologies, anonymous! As a fellow Grammar Nazi Disorder sufferer, I am highly embarrassed! All fixed now. Hope those symptoms disappear just as quickly!

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  3. My GND is pointing to number 8 still! Shouldn't it be 'himself' instead of 'themselves' because the would 'teacher' in that sentence is singular?

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    1. Agreed - himself, NOT themselves.
      What about the frequent use of 'is' when it should be 'are'. This is the most frequently used error, and made by teachers, principals, news reporters on TV etc. Shocking!!!

      'There ARE many problems.'

      NOT

      'There IS many problems.'

      I could go on for a while! Clearly I suffer from these ailments after many years of teaching.

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    2. ...and as for the greengrocer's (or should that be greengrocers'?) apostrophe - don't get me started!

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    3. "Are" and "is" is inexcusable (though many people don't grasp the concepts of collective nouns as being a single entity, and as such, "a herd of cattle is" opposed to "a herd of cattle are"). There is also the continual battle of "many and much" and countable and non-countable items (non-count "I have much beer" countable "I have many bottles of beer." Of course, we all hear "I had five beer." Thankfully, we are wise enough to understand what is being communicated)

      But the use of "they" as a gender neutral, singular pronoun replacing "him or her"?

      If you dig up an old Oxford English dictionary (say, 100+ years old), you may well find that the first definition for "they" is in reference to singular use. So to does the modern (last few years released) Oxford English dictionary. It also made its way into the Canadian Criminal Code to specify gender neutral singular, among other national legal language.

      And please, do not forget the multitude of great writers--some of them also scholars--who used "they" as a gender neutral, singular pronoun! Alas, I even had one of my teachers dock me marks because he thought I quoted incorrectly from Dickens! What the Dickens!?!

      Of course, grammar rules exist because someone, like the Bishop Robert Lowth, who wrote A Short Introduction to English Grammar with Critical Notes--thought they deserved the authority to create rules; and scholars who, with nothing better to do than to make the lives of students miserable, enforce such draconian precepts. Thus, such things once common as the double negative are now sins against the language--even though veritable and foundational authors of the English language such as Shakespeare and Chaucer used them; and many other languages use them liberally, some, like Russian, insist on them in many commonly used expressions and contexts (and for the record, I speak enough Russian to get into trouble, and people look at you like you are committing a crime against the Russian language if you don't use the double negative!).

      So, "Themselves", "They", "Their"-- they all deserve their place within the use of language as a gender neutral singular pronoun. It isn't a new trend of lazy students, but a common and historical aspect of the language we call English.

      (and no, my use of language is not perfect, for those who wish to point to flaws in my use of English as an attempt to deflate the irrefutable facts I have presented. I am, as everyone else will be through their lifetime, a perpetual student of this messed up and constantly morphing form of communication)

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    4. Thank you so much for this - they or their seem(s?) so much more sensible than he/she and his/her etc.

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    5. Haven't you all got better things to spend spare time on?!!!!

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    6. PhillM, you used "to" incorrectly. "So, to does the modern ....." should be "too." LOL! None of us are immune!

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    7. Yes, we all have better things on which to spend our time!

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    8. Anonymous (23 Feb 15:48). Read the last paragraph I wrote, in which I stated that my use of language is not perfect. Beat you to the punch on the "none of us are immune!"

      Anonymous (21 Feb 13:39). Most of us don't. We already got all the important things in life done, and spare time is a commodity we can freely afford to use and abuse as we deem fit.

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    9. What a bunch of bitches!!! You should be supportive of each other or is it an occupational
      hazard to be that way?

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    10. PhillM, it should be, "None of us IS immune." None = not one = singular. Also, "People look at you AS IF....." I was very interested in your account, and am certainly not trying to deflate any irrefutable facts. Indeed, I am not sure how facts can be deflated, as you suggested. Anon 13 March Bitchiness is no part of this discussion. I think many teachers like to play with words - it's actually fun. Besides, we are all suffering from symptom 10.

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    11. You guys have too much time on your hands. You must all be teachers on summer break. That is ok though, I am too.

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    12. As a teacher and a sufferer of dislexia I do not suffer from standard grammar Nazis disorder. I make writing mistakes all the time and don't even know it, I can not catch common grammar and spelling mistakes too. This is why I teach preschool/kindergarten. Insted of written grammar driveing me nuts, it speech grammar ,diction, and pronunciation that I go bonkers with. When speaking it's my friend and I, not me and my friend. It's spaghetti not sketty. for the love of all things good in the world it is not cute or funny when a kid can't say their r sounds or any others sounds in words! Get the kid in speech therapy! If you don't correct it when they are young they will possibly speak incorrect their entire life!!! Not to mention the oral and dental issues it can cause. yes an undiagnosed untreated speech impediment can cause poor oral mussel development and growth thusly possiblely impacting bite, swallowing and even jaw movement. Yes good pronunciation is very very important for many reasons.I am sorry but poor speech can make a very intelligent child sound uneducated. I am sure the people with written grammar Nazis disorder think the same about my writing skills. To the written grammar Nazis out there I applaud you and please correct me.

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    13. Themselves is correct, or himself/herself is fine too. Once upon a time it would not have been, but now we are in an age where we try to be inclusive. Themselves is gender neutral, and now gets used often.

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  4. 'the teacher begins to ask themselves several questions' - himself not themselves. The 'teacher' is singular! :)

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    1. Perhaps the teacher has multiple personality disorder? Quite understandable when you consider how many different people the teacher has to address, present to, entertain, organise etc etc in one day...
      Give the teacher a break! And I am not a robot, I am a female and a teacher, as it happens. Without multiple personality disorder but all the above ailments.

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    2. Dear Grammar Nazis, the use of the plural themselves is quite acceptable these days, it’s a way to get around the inevitable gender question. #everythingchanges

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    3. +1 like Dreamweaver

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    4. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/spelt

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    5. People, relax and enjoy the humoe.....relax!

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  5. Amended. My, my, GND sufferer, you're really keeping me on my toes!

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    1. What a rude, insensitive person is this Anonymous,a much more grievous annoyance than grammar misuse.

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  6. As a GN- though I am far-removed from a teaching career and from ANY educational establishment...I would ask...are there some major changes to the alphabet and calendar? The number of educated people who insist on pronouncing the 8th letter as "Haitch" and - worse still - removal of letters from certain ordinal numbers fifth and sixth: I have heard this one countless times in the media "fith" and "sikth".

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    1. Agree, agree, agree - grrrrrr..............

      It definitely is ATCH, not HAITCH!!!!!

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    2. If you were raised in Ireland it's pronounced haitch! How would you say the word hat? hat or at?There are differences to how people use the English language depending on where you come from. It's like the letter "r", we say "or" but yet many people from some parts England would pronounce it "aw". Language develops and changes depending on the people using it. There is no definitive right answer when it comes to pronounciations of languages.

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    3. In Ireland we definitely say haitch but I do have an issue with saying people from Ireland say 'or' for the letter 'R'. Most people outside of certain parts of Dublin would pronounce it 'are' like most of the UK and The US. I was born in the west of Ireland but have lived most of my life in Dublin and the use of 'or' for the letter 'are' really grates on my ears!!😊

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    4. Pronounciations? From where did that spring, Anonymous?

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    5. I hate to say it...because I love a good aitch, but it is now accepted for Australian Standard English that H can be pronounced haitch...but as a teacher I still fight the good fight and insist on aitch in my classroom!!

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    6. In Ireland, it is pronounced "or", in America, it is pronounced "are" and in Pirate, it is pronounced "aargh" ;)

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    7. I told the children in my class that if they insist on saying haitch then I will insist on fef, lell, mem, nen, rar, sess and wouble u. That gave them food for thought!

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    8. Dialects abound in the English Language. I am from Newfoundland, and sometimes I cannot understand someone from 3 towns over. They aren't wrong - language is fluid. Otherwise you wouldn't see something like this: http://mentalfloss.com/article/31363/35-modern-words-recently-added-dictionary

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  7. As a teacher in a University, my favourite mis-spelling was 'wether' instead of 'whether' I loved seeing their faces when I pointed out that 'wether' referred to a castrated Ram. :D

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  8. Teacher may be singular but because you don't know their gender you are supposed to use the plural themselves and not himself.

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    1. Disagree!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    2. http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/themselves-or-themself

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    3. G is correct. As the gender is unknown, 'themselves' can be used, whether you agree or not.

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    4. Incorrect. The gender-neutral usage happens to be the same as the male usage. The fact that someone might not like it does not make it incorrect.

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    5. Incorrect. The gender-neutral usage happens to be the same as the male usage. The fact that someone might not like it does not make it incorrect.

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    6. What I do to get around the gender neutral thing is to turn the whole sentence into plurals "This condition occurs when teachers are genuinely ill but, according to themselves, not ill enough to be absent from school." No more problem.

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    7. Steve Yarwood is correct, however the use of 'himself' in this way appears to be depreciated in modern English. We need to remember that English is an evolving language. For example, according to Oxford Dictionaries Online, there are an estimated 1000 new words added to the language every year.

      'Grammar Nazi Disorder' does tend to cause apoplexy however to me it seems beyond pedantic even for a sufferer to correct laypeople on some of the very technical aspects of the language. I am sure many don't agree with me however!

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    8. I'm not sure which northern hemisphere country, I can't remember, but they are trying some gender neutral language ideas to fix this problem. I look forward to hearing more.

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    9. Using "them" etc obviates the need to assume that the subject person is male, which seemed to be accepted in the 1950s but certainly isn't ok now.
      Aitch or Haitch depends on where you went to school - Haitch was favoured by Catholic schools here it seems (Queensland).

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    10. It could be "herself" as society generally assumes a teacher is female. Most teachers are female, society pays teachers the lower "women's work" wages, and society limits their political clout. I don't like it either, but it is reality.

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    11. It doesn't matter, Steve, if you or I like it. Himself is no longer the correct way to refer to someone who may be male or female (or other). It is used and understood, but then again, so is "their's". Doesn't make it right.

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  9. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  10. This is so true. However, #6 is bothering me because realisation should be spelled realization. Otherwise....great job. I have most of these diseases. As any good teacher would do....I am going to share this with others.

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    1. Hi, vfish93. I'm Irish and use British English spelling. Therefore, realisation is correct.

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    2. I just learned something new. Thank you! Very good blog!

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    3. Woah......americanisms.....noooooo!!!!!

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  11. The comments are beginning to sound sad, so sad.

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  12. Pet loathing: People who use 'was' instead of 'were'! Comments, such as - "We was shopping Sunday..." Set my teeth on edge...

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    1. I am very much with you on that one! Are teachers not now allowed to correct pupils who use such language? They certainly did in my days at school (longer ago than I care to say!) and we were taught to conjugate verbs. I also hate when people use 'haitch' instead of 'aitch' even though logically it perhaps ought to be 'haitch' because the letter 'h' is pronounced with a 'breathy' 'hhhh'. I feel there must be standardisation otherwise legal documents could become a nightmare!

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    2. I actually work with someone who is a qualified teacher and I have heard her on numerous occasions ask individual children. What was you doing? Grr!!!

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    3. Agree. I have a very difficult time when I hear, "You was" or "they was." :-/

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  13. Point 10... what has Nazi got to do with this why do some people always persist in including a reference to the Germans? if a dog is called Hitler is would be news ! You cannot be forgiven unless you forgive....I do not and will never condone atrocities but there must be time to forgive and forget

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  14. You all need a timeout to think about your actions. Love Miss Roberts. Xxx

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    1. Definitely a time out or summer vacation is in order!

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  15. I find this very unrealistic and not at all representative of teachers in my school. I find that the teachers are very poor spellers themselves and go off sick at the first sign of a sniffle. Perhaps it is mostly about primary school teachers. At upper school they employ someone to laminate things.

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    1. Completely and utterly true in ours, (primary).

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    2. Middle school teacher here. I am a poor speller which is why I mostly teach math. At my school we are loathe to take sick days as it seems like more work to write the sub plans and then pick up the pieces of there having been a sub when you get back. I avoid the laminater as it takes forever to warm up and most of the other mid-level teachers I've noticed use it sparingly and only if some primary teacher already warmed it up.

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  16. You forgot one. The acute paranoia caused by sudden good behaviour. It always freaked me the hell out and had me expecting a prank around each corner. I even became suspicious of my own desk, chair, pencil bag, etc. unless I am the only sufferer that is.

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  17. Great piece and wickedly accurate. However, you have left out Anti-Christmas syndrome. This occurs as teachers are so fed up with Christmas by December 20th they refuse to put up decorations at home on the grounds that they've just taken them down in school. It may also manifest itself in a refusal to send cards, wrap presents or go shopping. In extreme cases, teachers have been known to mutter that Ebenezer Scrooge is a much misunderstood man.

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    1. Indeed a valid one! Thankfully I don't suffer from that one!

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  18. Wow, the amount of do-gooder spellers is astounding. Relax folks, this piece is supposed to be funny. You're ruining it for me!

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    1. Totally agree. Okay, we understand all your frustrations but please - lighten up! Perhaps to all the teachers with the long winded rants.... perhaps that is why your students have not learned the correct way - they fell asleep in boredom!

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    2. "amount of do-gooder spellers"??? Surely it should be "number....."

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  19. What gets me is the fact that most people are focusing on the grammar mistakes rather than just enjoying the great read.

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  20. At my school it's the TAs who do the laminating!

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  21. I noted with interest Number 10. Aside from the use of Nazi in this context, as mentioned above, a colon is used to introduce a list. This then entails the use of a semi-colon to separate the items in the list, except the last two where 'and' is used.

    I too suffer from many of these afflictions as I correct the grammar on a College Year Book!

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  22. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this blog but have found myself wondering if I sound as pretentious and patronising as some of these posts if/when I correct SPaG in students work or otherwise. We should all be aware that language changes daily and the English language is one of the most complex and contradictory languages to learn so with all of this in mind (my errors includes) a simple "well done" or "great teacher humour" comments would have been much nicer than the long list of www/ebi that I've read.

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    1. Hear, hear! This was written in jest! Though I welcome the grammar corrections (I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't!), just enjoy it, folks!

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  23. Teachers moaning? Nah....

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  24. Great read. Those fixated on the grammar remind me of another phobia we teachers can suffer from. You are in the middle of a great lesson, and some student interrupts to point out a little mistake you made (as if we aren't human) and you immediately lose all the impact of the point you were trying to convey. Frustrating!!

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    1. This is so true. I read some of these comments and thought some of them seemed to miss the enjoyment of the article. I found it a great read.

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  25. I once attended INSET trainingon 'Stress Mangement in Teachers', given by Jnathan Evans, descrbed as the leading expert on workplace stress in the NHS. He said that the phenomenon of teachers becoming ill had holiday time as very real, with an explainble cause. Wild animals (e.g. zebra) either have low stress or very high stress, for example when being stalked by a lioness. Teachers however, have a moderate to high level of stress permanently during term time, which drops suddenly during holiday time. Stress causes production of the 'fight or flight hormone' adrenaline. High adrenaline levels in the blood stimulate the immune system. When the adrenaline levels drop off, the immune system is suddenly weakened, and the teacher falls ill.

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  26. I must say that I suffer many of the above afflictions, however my number one disease is
    'Chronic Obsessive Stationery Purchasing Disorder'.
    This involves the total inability to pass any shop, aisle or counter that sells any form of stationery!
    A person suffering from this disorder will, at the immediate sight or sign of a stationers, experience sudden dizziness, hot flushes, tingling sensations and outbreaks of giddiness.
    They will become powerless to resist the incontrollable urge that overwhelms them!
    In all cases the sufferer will undoubtedly purchase and add to their already huge assortment of stationery, particularly, pens of the 'new' variety type, never encountered before!
    They will also without exception, hastily acquire at least one or two, but, most likely a pack of, 'surplus to requirement', white board markers.
    Exacerbated symptoms may develop if they are not able to purchase yet another useless pack of 'Post It' notes!
    The disorder predominantly affects the sufferers home life and immediate family, as the failure to establish a balance between their compulsive obsession and time spent with loved one results in all members of the family with overwhelming feelings of despair and hopelessness.
    Ultimately, the sufferer loses touch with all reality and drowns in a pool of 50 shades of pen!

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    1. Omg, YES!!! It has taken intervention on my husband's part to assist with management of this disorder. I am not allowed to go to certain stores unattended. Lol

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    2. I only suffer from an inability to walk past any shop without purchasing black biros, but I STILL never have any - where DO they all go?

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    3. I thought I was the only one suffering this disorder. When I retired from teaching, I was amazed at the number of pens I had acquired. I could open a store!

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  27. Omg! I'm not a teacher and still found this very funny! I can't believe how much passing on some humour has brought out the real teacher side of most of you. Geez, enjoy her fun loving, satyrical look at what teachers go through and stop analyzing it! Seems there would be a lucrative Psych field just for the commenters regarding #10!

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  28. Goodness! Just enjoy the article! It is for entertainment.

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  29. Have all except number 2. But have several others and ways to fix them - but it may be illegal in some countries.

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  30. I really enjoyed this.Am currently suffering from number 7 and getting texts from colleagues telling me not to come in on Monday.

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  31. Then there is Apostrophe Catastrophe Disorder. Unfortunately incurable.

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  32. Yes, that darn Apostrophe Catastrophe Disorder. I suffer too.

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  33. Oh when number 6 reared its ugly head I was almost good for nothing!

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  34. They stay with you long after retirement!

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  35. I would like to add PPMT or Post Pointless Meeting Trauma. Symptoms include irritability, a prolonged period of anger and chronic resentment (particularly towards the meeting creator and leader) . A sense of futility, panic, anxiety and loss is overwhelmingly reported by sufferers. since the TW (time wasted) creates further anxiety. Additionally, 100% of sufferers report at least 2 or more of the following during meetings:an urge to make hostile remarks towards meeting presenters, drowsiness and/or sleeping, sighing muscle tics and spasms. Those able to be out of view of the presenters report they text family, friends, co-workers and pets, and/or use their time in a way they consider more valuable such as grading, creating lesson plans,knitting, and filing one's nails.

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    1. This really needs to be added. I suffer from this at least once a month!

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    2. Once a month???? We have at least one of the hour and half meetings a week - sometimes as many as 3 or 4, all at least an hour, some as long as 2 and half hours!!! Symptoms remain the same however grow with intensity depending how many meetings and how many other less futile matters need to be taken care of!!

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  36. I think you'll find that anybody who is not a footballer, a celebrity of some kind, Ed Balls's window cleaner/hedge trimmer- in fact most people in regular PAYE employment with an A-level or two- will tell you they all suffer these maladies.Teachers-you are not alone. We are all surrounded by a****oles.

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  37. Most enjoyable - thank you. It even got me to smile - on a MONDAY morning.

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  38. Thanks for this, it gave me a laugh. I could relate to a few of these points as an early childhood teacher especially the hoarding and Friday Fatigue.

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  39. There are 2 spaces in the last sentence of #10:
    "This tendency stems from previous negative experiences of**correcting others."

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  40. Replies
    1. I have corrected your post.

      One tired teacher who doesn't, at this time of night and after correcting year 2 books for 4 hours, give a shit about grammar.

      My God. Have you no lives? Go to bed.

      It is just a shame that I can't make my amendments in green.

      Delete
  41. Retired English teachers never die; they just change their "victims".

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  42. I feel as though the point of this article went over their heads. One vote for disable comments lol.

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  43. Since when does a few funnies become a grammar and pronunciation war?! Loved the funnies, wish some people would've kept their comments to themselves! ;) I have lived in many places in my life and different people pronounce things in their own way. Jobs have been created because of this! We were not made to be exactly like one another, life would be too boring that way!! I too am irritated by poor grammar and spelling but if I don't like it on the internet, there's this awesome little feature called a "close" button so I don't need to actually read that annoying drivel!!! ;) So whether I'm reading something from my friends who say y'all, or something from my friends who just say you, I can understand it and would definitely "Bless your heart" if you tried to correct either one!

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  44. As an Admin. Assistant for many years, plus a proofreading volunteer, I found this hilarious and can sympathize with those that various "errors" bother. I am surprised that no one mentioned the use of I for Me in many situations - especially in the TV broadcasting world.

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  45. First, a chuckle. Then, a giggle. Finally, an all out, mouth open, "ha ha ha" belly laugh!

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  46. Having spent far more time reading this than I had intended, I feel an urge to comment regardless of whether anyone ever reads my post, which seems quite unlikely as this blog posts new comments at the bottom dregs where most don't venture.

    I'm an English teacher, and nonsense literature writer. So I basically applaud and agree with you all. Grammar is something to be studied and used properly. I find it hard to let wanton errors go by (that being said, typing late at night on web-blogs lends itself to common errors, especially when you speak British English and are already struggling in a constant battle with your American computer). But when people are aware of language, they can use it however they wish to get their intended message across, and that is perfectly acceptable. The purpose of language, after all, must be if nothing else to communicate the message you intend to communicate.

    I feel that many of the commenters here should take a moment to watch this well-put argument by Stephen Fry:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovi7uQbtKas

    So thank you 'miss Downing' for writing this piece. It occupied my time.

    www.jackbrutuspenny.com/blog

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  47. As a science teacher myself, I will have to confess that I most certainly do not suffer from #10, and all of these language technicalities just whizzed right over my head completely unnoticed as I read......but I can say for sure that I personally DEFINITELY suffer from a chronic case of #4. Every little useful scrap of garbage pretty much has "LAB ACTIVITY" written all over it in my mind - drives everyone I know completely bonkers. What really made me laugh in this article was that, coincidentally, just two days before reading this post I (finally) threw out a large garbage bag full of old toilet paper rolls, paper towel rolls, and 1 liter cardboard milk cartons that had been sitting on the storage shelf in my science lab at school so long that they had started to get moldy.

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    Replies
    1. Aww, one of us could have used them!

      Delete
  48. In #3, "low-tolerance" should not be hyphenated; it should be two words.

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  49. #11.. the fear of catching.. nits, colds, tummy bugs, school sores.. when you see them begin to circulate around the chn in the class. Excessive hand washing and table wiping, and paranoia with every itch of your head that the dreaded day may have arrived where you have caught the crawling critters!!

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  50. I am striking out in her favour today. I thought that was the funniest thing I have read in a long while. I have just printed out a copy for all the long suffering English teachers in my school. I think we have to see the funny side of things first without slamming the writer for minor grammar mistakes. ITs not like she was posting it for teachers to use as a Reading comprehension. Chill pill needed all around. I applaud her humour and enjoyed the post for what is was meant!!! SOMETHING FUNNY that only teachers will get.

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  51. The comments ah funnia than the ahaticle. Excuse my accent, I'm from MA!! ;-)

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  52. OMG! Love the funnies! Think i have suffered all of them. LOL! In this day and age i think the next generation due to use of mobile texting will change our spelling and grammar. And really what a lot of who-ha over something so trivial. LOVED THE CONDITIONS FOR TEACHERS DONT CARE ABOUT THE SPELLING AND GRAMMAR. I COULD UNDERSTAND EVERY WORD.

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  53. Haa haha, very funny, I especially enjoyed #3 IBS, # 5 Friday fatigues, and #6 # Sunday sads. This is a great list for anyone who has children in their lives! I am a mother and a nurse and enjoyed this list very much. Although the nurse in me wants to include one more.
    #11. Internetrollitis: When you have too much time on your hands, and apparently have on one that is willing to listen or tolerate you. Compulsive need to criticize and belittle strangers on the internet. Paranoia manifesting in keeping yourself anonymous.

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  54. Those people who are posting above about misspelt (hahahah) words should never, ever teach middle school. You would drive yourself crazy every moment of every day. Stop being obsessive and read the posts before you comment. She fixed the errors! At the end of a hard week, it's a miracle if I can spell my last name much less a blog. Stop being trolls.

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  55. Thank you for posting this amusing list!! LOVE it! Taking a copy to all the teachers at school tomorrow, and I hope it starts their weekend off with a smile. :)

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  56. Reapeatmyselfitis. Somehow that one did not make the list.

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  57. How about that condition called, "Reportitis"? I'm sure we all suffer from it.

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